Wobbly Gossip

ODTV Telecasted LIVE (just edited the recording this time carefully with consensus of every attendee) debate for their TV Show "Screw Light". Excerpt:

Hello Viewers, I Charkha Bhatt welcome you to our show “Screw Light”. As all of you know India is growing fast with growing GDP and bumper Agriculture production. We have stable economy and rupee. Then why the people are getting restless on two non-issues like FDI in retail and JanLokpal?

To debate this we have with us from government Dr. Mohan Makaar, Kutil Chittal, National Advisory Council Chief Smt. Razia Aandhi.

From opposition we have Garat Yadav and Susma Aagaaj.

We also welcome our experts Ramesh Hutt and Rurel Heth and studio audience.

Lights go off as the circus is going to start. Ring master with MIC in hand address the cameras.

Charkha: My first question to all our esteemed patronage.  What is this FDI in retail and JanLokpal.

MM : Aaaaaaaaaaah Mmmmmm

Aandhi : Please speak.

MM : Well I had a meeting of core group this morning to understand what is this FDI and Janlokpal. I am sure with in three months our commission will submit the report about this non-issues being made as issues. Planning commission also working on this as a separate team, I am sure we will know within three months about these non-issues.

Garat : Laughs, Charkha. All this is a crap and created by media. People are not concerned about the non-issues they are more concerned about the condition of dalits, poor and women. I am a villager I live in lutyens Delhi I understand their pain just attended page three party yesterday for a social cause organized by Rurel Heth. I noticed how the poor women in party were not adequately dressed in this winter. Shivering in their micro skirts even did not have a cup of tea all what they could have was English Wine.

Kutil: No, No Garat, you are wrong. Our hand was always with poor, dalit and women. Infect only our party made a woman, president of the India.

Heth: I think if we talk sensible indeed women condition has improved otherwise how come one can thought a helping hand of a prime minister become president. And so many women attending parties till 4 in the morning. Now women feel safe and can party late nights.

Hutt: Obliviously if you are women you will be helping hand, as its saying after every successful man there is a woman. Our approach should be logical. We still face problem in casting women in our films from abroad as most of the Indian women do not have the same freedom in exposing her body as their counterpart in west. For example take Sunny Leon, had she been from India would she have the freedom to choose her career.

Aaandhi: I disagree with Hutt, Indian always welcome foreigners and especially women. Take my example or Mother Teressa.

Charkha so here we have the answer from our esteemed guests for our question what is FDI and Janlokpal.

Susma is awestruck and wondering what was the question?

Chakra: My direct question to Mr. Makaar? When India is progressing under your leadership why is FDI?

Aandhi: Chakra let me answer you; I am president of National Advisory Council. We setup this commission in 2005 to advise government on good governing. I must thank

Makkar. He has followed all advice whole heartedly. You remember in August I was out of India for about 20 days to buy ideas how we can improve our governing. I personally went to WalMart, Tesco and Carrefour. There I found how they pack food hygienically wearing gloves killing animals through machines; protecting them with enzyme wash, packs them in very colorful packaging. They transport their good in Volvos, Mercedes, Nissan not like here in India on Tata and Leyland. They grow more corps then us as they have BT technology. They have big cold storages despite colder countries then us. I advise government to let Walmart, Tesco and other come in India let us by ideas from them locally as we do not have ideas here in our country. I cannot go every alternate month to those countries to buy idea so I invited them to open their idea shops here in India.

MM: As madam said, I never ever disobey her advice, I announced the madam wish. Even I went to Carrefour to buy ideas. I discussed ideas with them they told us they pay good price to farmers buy cutting middlemen and sell it low to consumers.  We have to build strong relation with US. Bahama told me if India wants strong relation with US they will have to let walmart enter India as our foreign minister Milton was on the board of walmart.

Susma : Then why these countries give subsidies to their farmers if they are being paid well by these retails giants? Government is misleading the country about their foreign tours.

Hutt: We are the biggest film industry still we copy western hits to suit our greed and need. Why cannot we copy their retail model here in India? Basically we as country are country of creativity and inspirations. It does not take much to copy anything which inspires us.

Heth: No, No. This would be violation of patent. We need FDI in India here common man like me feel inferior to go to big bazaar. Therefore it’s not question of why. It should be why not, for the benefit of common man.

Sharat: We will oppose it, common man like me feels awkward as they propagate western culture. They are against poor, dalit and women.

Kutil: Please, we need to put facts right. FDI in retail will bring prices down and good price to farmers. We have taken this decision on the basis of facts. We have imported 1 lakh unit of Aakash tablets. They are made in China. But as China is not known for their quality we ordered the same to a business man in London who imported the same from china and shipped to us. We are serious that’s why we have imported these tablets for our engineering students which cost us @ Rs.2200. We also sanctioned @Rs.50000 to all MPs to buy iPad so they look like and educated and informed. iPad is inferior in quality but somehow we have to save tax payers money.

Someone from general public asked question to Kutil, “Sir, Do you know current situation of farmers in India. How many of them commit suicide and how many of them are leaving farming. When there will be no farmers whose produce this retail giants going to buy?”

Charkha, gets into the crowd and snatch MIC from the questioner, rushing back to podium murmuring, sorry, out of context question.

Sorry we are running short of time. I am concluding the debate with unanimous note that FDI in retail is not an issue. We have to take a commercial break.

“Welcome Back”, Charkha announced. Charkha sitting with studio audience to give the impression that she is voice of the audience. Stands up and trying hard to be impartial with rushing to Susma.

My question to you mam, what is your view on JanLokpal?

Susma: We have already cleared our view in parliament. JanLokpal needs to be discussed and understood same as we are doing for last 40+ years. Our view on JanLokpal is exactly the opposite of what government’s view as a responsible opposition.

Sarat: JanLokpal is nothing but a time pass of few educated people of cities. Media is wasting time of something which is for education city people. We all know India resides in villages and its parliament is majority of uneducated people. In government who listens to educated or how many educated persons gets elected.

MM: Sarat, this is not true. I am also educated.

Sarat: That is why you did not win the election.

MM: But I am prime minister.

Heth: But who listens to you.

Hutt: Ghalib dil ko behlane ko ye khayal bhi achchaa hai.

Sarat: We can not support JanLokpal for more reasons like there is no provision of pardon for corrupt dalits, women, and poor government officers.

Kutil: We have enough law to tackle corruption in governance we do not want any more. Infect we are the ones who passed RTI Act.

Susma: Sibbal then why Arivnd Kejriwal was awarded with Ramon Magsaysay Award for activating India's Right to Information movement at grassroots and social activities to empower the poorest citizens to fight corruption by holding the government answerable to the people and not your government.

MM: Actually during that time our relations with Philippines were not healthy. We have already condemned their government decision in toughest term. Same as we have done with Chinese government for not respecting our territory. 

To be continued